Let’s (Try To) Talk About Sex

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Estimated Reading Time: 3 minutes

Today is Valentine’s day.  While I sometimes feel like this holiday is more about selling cards, flowers, and chocolate than it is about love, I still think it’s a good time to talk to you about qi and sexual energy.

But first, I should mention that I’m terrible at talking about sex.  Just ask my students.  The other day, during an advanced class, I turned beet red while talking about the sexual vitality that we cultivate through the qigong exercise called The Small Universe.

Hey! You try getting in front of 25 adults and talking about sex without sounding like a jerk!  It’s not easy.

I’m American.  And the truth is that Americans are conflicted when it comes to sex.  On the one hand, we expect to see sex everywhere — on TV, the Internet, in magazines and books, and in movies.

On the other hand — we’re super puritanical.  When I was in Europe years ago, I couldn’t help but notice that women on the beaches walked around topless.  Meanwhile, in the good ol’ U.S. of A., we freak out when a woman dares to show a bit of side-boob while breastfeeding in public.

In other words, we’re prudes.

My premise in this article is that there’s an imbalance in the way Americans manage their sexual energy. As a culture, we’re repressed.  Our sexual energy is stifled.  It is not flowing as smoothly as it could.

Answer the following questions:

  • Do you get easily frustrated, even by small things?
  • Do you lack motivation and drive?
  • Do you have difficulty making decisions, even minor ones?
  • Do you lack creativity?
  • Do you have a growing sense of disconnectedness?
  • Do you experience a background static of anxiety?
  • Men — do you have low back pain or prostate problems?
  • Women — do you suffer from severe PMS, fibroids, or endometriosis?

These are some of the symptoms that can arise from stifled sexual energy.  Sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?

It gets worse.

If a person’s sexual energy gets stifled badly enough, then it can lead to major distortions not only in their health, but their psyche.

And that’s when the really awful stuff happens.  For example, in schools, churches, and organizations all around the country, the result of extremely distorted sexual energy can be seen in behavior like sexual abuse and/or rape.

Perhaps now you can understand why I think that this topic is so important.

So here we go.  Let’s talk about sex.  I’ll be brave, and face my “talking about sex” fears.  And you’ll need to be brave too, because it’s a difficult topic.  But we can do this.  We’re adults, and we can find a way to talk about sex in a productive manner.

East Vs. West

An ancient drawing of qigong techniques for harmonizing sexual energy.

An ancient drawing of a qigong technique for harmonizing sexual energy.

The ancient Eastern masters, especially the Taoist masters, viewed sexual union as a way to harmonize the body’s energy (qi).  Basically, they viewed sex as a form of qigong — a way to cultivate energy for health, vitality, and even spirituality. 

In other words — pretty much exactly the opposite of what Western culture teaches. We live in a culture that, not so long ago, told pubescent boys that they would go blind if they masturbated.  Or worse, that they’d go to hell!

Of course, that didn’t stop them from doing it.   It just made them feel ashamed, which in turn distorted their sexual energy.

Teenage boys are full of hormones and sexual energy.  Where do we expect that energy to go?  Into sports?  Video games?  Homework?

Young boys need to be taught to manage their sexual energy, not stifle it.  And by “manage”, I don’t necessarily mean orgasm.  If you think that orgasm is the only way to manage sexual energy — well, then you’re probably a product of Western culture!

Our culture is terrible at managing sexual energy.  And it’s not just teenage boys.  The same is true of young women.  It’s also true of older women.  And older men.  And middle-aged men.  And middle-aged women.

In other words — everyone.

As a culture, we have a lot to learn about how to manage our sexual energy.

When The Energy Gets Distorted

Ask yourself this question:  Why are there so many cases of child sexual abuse among priests? 

The ancient Eastern philosophers would say that this is happening because the sexual energy not just of the priests, but of the organization, is distorted.  To solve the problem, we need to harmonize that energy.

Let me be clear that I’m not suggesting that priests or nuns should give up their celibacy.  I honestly don’t think that that’s the root of the problem.  Monks and nuns in the ancient Shaolin Temple were celibate, similar to modern-day Christian priests and nuns.

But here’s the difference — the Shaolin monks and nuns practiced qigong and meditation in order to manage their sexual energy.  As a result, they were able to channel that energy in healthy ways, like into their spiritual cultivation, and also in to the practice of Shaolin Kung Fu.

A lot of my students are older, and some of them have told me that they are sexually inactive.  But being sexually inactive doesn’t mean that you can skip the sex conversation, just like you can’t skip it if you’re a priest.

The same goes for those who would prefer not to be celibate, but currently don’t have a sexual partner.  You can’t just stick your head in the ground and pretend that you’re not a sexual being.

One way or another, your sexual energy will express itself.   It will either express itself in a healthy way, or in an unhealthy way.

How To Harmonize Sexual Energy

If you practice qigong, tai chi, meditation, or yoga, then you’re already working on your sexual energy.  That’s a great start.

But there are Taoist qigong techniques that are specifically designed to harmonize sexual energy.  If you’re interested, I’ll write a sequel to this article and talk more about how these techniques can help us to cultivate and harmonize sexual energy.  Want more on this topic? Then let me know in the comments below.

**EDIT** The follow-up article, 17 Ways to Unblock Your Sexual Energy, can be found here.

Mindfully yours,
Sifu Anthony

I’m Anthony Korahais, and I used qigong to heal from clinical depression, low back pain, anxiety, and chronic fatigue. I’ve already taught thousands of people from all over the world to use qigong for their own stubborn health issues. I teach online courses, and also lead in-person retreats and workshops.
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30 Responses to Let’s (Try To) Talk About Sex

  1. Seth February 14, 2014 at 7:15 pm #

    I really appreciate the articles that you write and would love to read a sequel to this one.

    • Maxine Donovan February 15, 2014 at 11:27 am #

      Very happy to read and hear more on this. I would like to learn how to be more sexual. I have a feeling you will challenge my beliefs. That’s a good thing. Thanks.

      • Sifu Anthony Korahais February 15, 2014 at 12:24 pm #

        Thanks, Maxine. And yes, it’s a good thing to have one’s beliefs challenged!

    • Sifu Anthony Korahais February 15, 2014 at 12:25 pm #

      Thanks for the feedback, Seth.

    • Gail Soucy March 6, 2014 at 12:12 pm #

      Would love to know what specific Qigong patterns support sexual energy. Loved the article. You did a great job for someone shy on the topic.

  2. Steven Fouse February 15, 2014 at 1:07 am #

    Hi Sifu!

    Great topic. This post definitely felt like an introduction to the topic, which, while very good, left me wanting more. So follow-up posts on this topic are eagerly anticipated!

  3. Stephanie Zigler February 15, 2014 at 1:16 am #

    You’re article was direct and well spoken. Please write a sequel, I am
    Intrigued to hear of the techniques that we can cultivate into our lives. This article made for a very interesting conversation at the dinner table on valentines day! Haha! Thank you

    • Sifu Anthony Korahais February 15, 2014 at 12:27 pm #

      Thanks, Stephanie. I would be interested in that Valentine’s Day conversation!

  4. David Young February 15, 2014 at 1:46 am #

    I am still one of those students who have never been in “Union” with someone, however I feel the urge to masturbate on a daily basis! And I actually find this to be a hindrance more than anything. . I think a follow up article is much needed. This discussion on sexuality period is much needed.

    • Sifu Anthony Korahais February 15, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

      Thanks for the feedback, David. In later articles, I’ll talk more about masturbation.

  5. eldon February 15, 2014 at 2:10 am #

    by all means, YES, please do a follow up article.

  6. Celestine February 15, 2014 at 2:12 am #

    I sincerely enjoyed your article on this topic and look forward to a sequel! Thank you for posting such a difficult subject.

  7. Jane February 15, 2014 at 4:00 am #

    Thanks for tackling the sex issue Sifu. Great article and I would love to learn more about managing sexual energy.

    • Sifu Anthony Korahais February 15, 2014 at 12:30 pm #

      Thanks, Jane. I don’t know if I tackled the issue or just tickled it. But it’s a start!

  8. Brian Bahgeri February 15, 2014 at 5:22 am #

    Yes, sequel please 🙂
    Much appreciated.

  9. Mary Bast February 15, 2014 at 9:11 am #

    Yes, next article please, Sifu. As one of your “older” students without a partner, I definitely need some sexual harmony. Valentine’s Day was an emotionally stuck day for me, even though I practiced qigong and yoga.

    • Sifu Anthony Korahais February 15, 2014 at 12:25 pm #

      Thanks for the feedback, Mary. Sorry to hear that you had a “stuck” Valentine’s day. I hope that I can help with that kind of thing in the future.

  10. Allyson Lange February 15, 2014 at 12:11 pm #

    Its a very important topic, and a difficult one to breach for sure! Whatever you have to share would be valuable to me – both personally and professionally! Thank you for facing your fears and embracing this subject!

  11. Jacek Kaleta February 15, 2014 at 4:00 pm #

    Very interesting.

    Thank you for this thoughtful article Anthony Sipak.

    I think it’s worth mentioning that the problem of celibacy is only a western Church issue (i.e.Latin Church)

    I think it has been introduced as obligatory for the priests of all ranks in 12th/13th century. There’s no such issue in the Eastern Orthodox Church. The priests there can marry, if they want to. Only monks and bishops observe celibacy but it’s their personal choice and they know how to deal with it. There are no issues with celibacy in the Eastern Church as far as I know.

    And re: your question about the sequel. Yes please!

    With Shaolin salute

  12. Verity February 18, 2014 at 5:54 pm #

    This is a topic most people don’t want to voice but are victims of. 95 % of divorce cases is not money but deficiency. Anyone who knows I practice qigong quietly confides with me ….saying can you teach me how rejuvenate my sexual energy? my marriage is almost breaking..please help me. and it’s really true. Let’s face it, help is needed out there. Some even say life after 60 is a mess no worth living.
    So I support you to talk in-depth about this. Thanks for bringing it up.
    Pardon me if there is any rude comment in this;

  13. T February 24, 2014 at 3:13 am #

    Please wright a sequel to this article! I’d like to hear more about sexuality and masturbation

    from http://www.project3dom.com

  14. joe March 6, 2014 at 7:24 pm #

    yes please for more on sexual harmonizing chi gung Thank you Sifu Anthony

  15. victor March 14, 2014 at 1:39 am #

    I think sexual energy is very important. In the yoga books they say it is life energy and it can create new life. In our own body we can cultivate it and become more healthy and full of energy.

    In qigong (the one i practice) they say 100 days no sex or ejucalation to preserve life energy and built up your energy level and become stronger. I think its not for nothing that priests and nuns should practice celebacy in order to become closer to god. The only thing is that the more sexual energy you have the more difficult it become to withstand the feelings and not release. It needs to find new pathways to transform in to mind energy.

    Thanks for your article. Its a very important subject only a few dare to talk about.

  16. Caron Cadle March 30, 2015 at 9:08 am #

    I would like to learn more on this topic, because despite a lot of work on what you so rightly nail as Western miseducation, I’m far from where I want to be when it comes to accepting and balancing this kind of energy.

  17. Meditation May 15, 2016 at 1:07 pm #

    Meditation raises the serotonin , which in its turn lower the libido. Just like anti depressants. So if you do celibacy without lots of meditation there will be failure for the majority of peole for sure . But even if you do celibacy and meditate it is not a 90 days fix also your mind and subconscious needs to be cleansed. But if you meditate lots daily your sex drive will lower slowly. But the main result is depending on the subconcious mind of the pracitioner.

  18. jeanniethomson August 12, 2016 at 4:13 pm #

    Yes write more, much wisdom

  19. Stephen O'Connor June 13, 2017 at 10:30 am #

    I have been a Qi Gong practitioner for years. I find my sexual energy, creativity and overall vitality to be very high. I am 72 years old and feel very potent. I have always felt that Qi Gong is one of the secrets to great health, especially sexual. I do know that, as an artist (Composer and Jazz Musician) sexual energy is extremely vital to my creative output.
    Thanks for the article, it needed to be said and you did it!

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